NFL Sunday In 10 Photos

"Honestly? I have NO idea how we got here!"


That's it, kid, learn how to lead with your head, so one day you too can suffer a serious concussion just like your favourite Dolphins!


They should replace the William Penn statue on top of Philadelphia City Hall with one of Akers in this pose.


These douchebag Miami fans have #17 painted on their faces. #17 is Brandon London...the 5th wide receiver. No wonder you guys lost!


Bon Jovi approves of the hair though; even he couldn't get it that spiky back in the 80s.


Kendra Wilkinson, one of Hugh Hefner's former girlfriends, currently dating Eagles WR Hank Baskett. How could you possibly get with a girl after Hef fucked her? Talk about sloppy seconds.


Whoa...after Kendra, seeing this Mummer is like that scene in A Clockwork Orange.


This dude has to be the retarded son of one of the '72 Dolphins that won't stop reminding everyone they're the only team to go unbeaten.


*pointing to owner's box*

"See, Mr. Lurie? I'm not a useless husk of a coach!"


Sorry, Dolphins fans, there's always next year, when the bitter disappointment of seeing two other teams play for the Super Bowl in your own backyard will make 2008 seem like a dream season!

Cue the disco music...

San Diego Super Chargers,

San Diego Chargers!

San Diego Super Chargers,

San Diego Chargers!

Charge!

Ruh Roh

You never want to hear the words "detached tendon" and "pubic bone" in the same sentence.

With Antonio Gates also hobbled (again), that means the Chargers' top two offensive targets will be limited at best. And we all know how that goes for San Diego.

Despite all this I'm still optimistic...though I can't for the life of me figure out why. Perhaps last year has something to do with it.

Either way, I'm getting drunk while largely ignoring the Cards/Falcons game, because really, neither of these teams are getting past the next round.

Good luck to all your teams this weekend, especially if it's the Chargers.

Happy New Year!

*Fujitsu* Read my fax!

NFL Sunday Review in 10 Photos

The Bills reveal their commemorative Scott Norwood goal posts.


"Are we...did we just make...does this mean...the tie doesn't matter?"


There's way too much writing on the bags to make sense of any of it, but I think the take-home message is that the Jets eat cock.


"Kurt, I'll tell you now what I told you in '94 at Packers training camp...I'm NOT into it."


If the Ravens and Eagles meet in the Super Bowl...


...the fan death count will be in the thousands.


"Gardening, motherfucker! I love horticulture!"


The lineup for the 0-16 Post-Game Buffet, aka the highlight of Detroit's season.


"You're exactly right, Joe...these girls are sluts, no question about it."


So long, 2008 NFL Regular Season!

Part 2 of The Battle To See Which 8-8 Team Will Undeservingly Make The Playoffs

With Ed Hochuli over 2000 miles away in Green Bay overseeing the completion of the worst 16-game performance in NFL history, Chargers fans can put their screwjob conspiracy theories away and be thankful that they control their own destiny, despite being 4-8 a month ago.

The Chargers are 8 1/2 point favourites, which is somewhat terrifying; no team playing a critical game whilst coached by Norv Turner should be such a high fav.

Nevertheless, a win would mean vindication and justice served for a San Diego team that has had more bad breaks than Elijah Price.

Plus there's the potential added bonus of having an 8-8 Chargers team get in ahead of an 11-5 team, possibly the Patriots.

Nothing would be sweeter than seeing my Chargers in the playoffs with a .500 record, the Pats out - and hearing retahded Bahston fans whine that it's unfair. Fuck you, ya cheating chowdahheads.

Chargers! Broncos! Two teams that are lucky to even be in this position! Cockbag quarterbacks that you love anyway!

It's Sunday Night Football (thanks to flex scheduling) on NBC!

Cockbag of the Week: Pot Of Gold Excellence

Getting a box of Pot of Gold chocolates has been a Christmas tradition in the Suppa household for many years. Even after I moved out, I could always count on seeing the P.O.G sticking out of my stocking every Christmas.

But on the night of Christmas Eve, my cheatin' chocolate heart got the best of me.

My mother had received a box of Pot of Gold Excellence from one of her kindergarten students, and years of receiving such choco-based gifts has removed any and all of her interest in them. So I figured, she won't miss this box one bit, knowing full well that I had my very own box waiting for me upstairs.

I took the box downstairs, where I stayed up till the wee hours of Christmas morning eating from the tree of forbidden chocolate knowledge and watching the movie Gia.

A few hours later, our family sat around the tree to open presents, and sure enough, a brand new box of Pot of Gold Excellence was there in my stocking to greet me.

And that is when things went terribly wrong.

After my new tradition of taking a nap while the rest of the family goes to church, I awoke with a terrible case of the runs, which carried over through all of Christmas Day, rendering me unable to enjoy the night's meat-and-pasta-laden dinner.

Sure it could have been the half bag of BBQ Ruffles potato chips I was also eating with the chocolates, or the traditional Italian seven-fish Christmas Eve dinner, or the three bottles of Chinotto that accompanied said dinner.

But I know in my heart of hearts that it was the box of Pot of Gold Excellence, jealous that I had an affair with the other box, that did me in.

It's still sealed in my bedroom, and it will be many days before I can muster the courage to crack it open.

So a warning to my fellow Christmas-time chocoholics: never take on a choco-mistress, for your sins will be discovered, and hell hath no fury like a Pot of Gold scorned.

The Grinch Wears Pinstripes

Just in time for Christmas, the New York Yankees have dropped a lump of coal in the stockings of non-Yankee baseball fans everywhere.

*sniff sniff* Wait...that's not coal!

The New York Yankees now have the four largest contracts in Major League Baseball (A-Rod, Jeter, Sabathia, Teixeira).

The Teixeira deal came just a few hours after the Yankees were handed a $26.9 million luxury tax bill, which is almost exactly the entire payroll of the 2008 Florida Marlins.

Who says there's a recession?

Broncos Lose Two More Running Backs; In Other News, The Sun Came Up Today

The football gods are trying to tell Mike Shanahan something: quit fucking around with your running back depth chart.

The Broncos added Selvin Young and P.J. Pope to the already lengthy list of Denver backs on the IR, bringing the number to a whopping seven.

SEVEN injured running backs?!? That is beyond chance.

This is a clear message to Coach Shanahan that the fantasy world is sick and tired of him naming a different #1 RB every goddamn year, only to totally lose faith in him and end up promoting the 5th-string guy to the top spot by the end of training camp.

The guy goes through tailbacks like Hugh Hefner goes through blondes: several at a time.

Remember Olandis Gary? Quentin Griffin? Reuben Droughns? Shanny nearly went with Homer Simpson one year.

The last man standing in the backfield (for now) is underwear-stealer Tatum Bell; Denver has signed a couple of complete nobodies to back him up.

Sadly, the lack of a running game might actually help the Broncos this Sunday against the Chargers, who have a sorry excuse for a pass defense.

NFL Sunday Review in 10 Photos

I think we found the solution to the world's economic crisis: have the NFL run all year round, with a five beer minimum per spectator.


Cortland Finnegan knocking the yellow out of Hines Ward...wait, is that racist? Yeah, that's probably racist.


Hey, Marc Bulger...save the bondage sessions for after the game.


Incidentally, NOT what Herm Edwards was going for with the "We can build on this!!!" speech.


Most unnecessary question mark ever.


"Good luck with retirement, coach."

"Thanks Brett...you too..."

*eyes meet*

*smirk*

*both break out into uncontrollable laughter*

"So, see you next year?"

"Yeah, see ya next year."


Unbeknownst to Cards fans, Will Ferrell passed Matt Leinart on the depth chart back in Week 13.


The 2008 St. Louis Rams: Everyone's Bitch


"Ho ho HO, Raiderettes...you've been naughty AND nice!"


Looks like Ricky found a way to turn his helmet into a bong.

Mission Accomplished

See you next week, Cutlerfucker!

Part 1 of The Battle To See Which 8-8 Team Will Undeservingly Make The Playoffs

Some inspirational quotes ahead of the biggest game of the season for my San Diego Chargers:
"We've got to win or we can forget it." - Chargers QB Philip Rivers

"We have to win. They have to win, and somebody's going to win." - Bucs coach Jon Gruden



Wooooo! I am JACKED now.

Derrick Mason is a BEAST