Saturday, July 31, 2010

The MLB Trade Deadline In Tweets

Follow me on Twitter (Suppa55) whenever the site's actually working. The central server for Twitter is probably somewhere in rural Iowa, tended by that old dude from The Simpsons.

"Come on, Emma!" *poking with broom*

Anyway, it's Twitterin' time!


Lance Berkman is one of my favourite players from this generation; hard not to cheer for the Big Puma in the Big Apple. #mlbtradedeadline


The dude who stitches the jerseys for the Texas Rangers is a happy man; he'll never have to do "Saltalamacchia" again. #mlbtradedeadline


Will Ohman has made a decision: he's taking his talents to South Beach, and joining the Miami Marlins. #mlbtradedeadline


Octavio Dotel goes to the Dodgers, his 8th team in 7 years. What a weird career; seems to get a closing gig every 3-4 years. Leap year CP? #mlbtradedeadline


Way to go, Joba Chamberlain: you were so bad, the Yankees considered Kerry Wood an upgrade. #mlbtradedeadline


Ted Lilly & Ryan Theriot to LA for Blake DeWitt + extras, close to being done. I hate Ted Lilly. Not really relevant, just wanted to say it. #mlbtradedeadline


The biggest "who cares" 5-player deal of 2010: ARZ get Bobby Crosby, Ryan Church & D.J. Carrasco from PIT for Chris Snyder & minor leaguer. #mlbtradedeadline

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Analisi a posteriori

In a World Cup highlighted by shocking result after shocking result, this perhaps tops them all: Italy are no more.

A 3-2 loss to Slovakia sends the Azzurri home a national disgrace. The headline of la Repubblica, one of Italy's national newspapers, read: "Mai così brutti"; never this ugly.

For the first time ever, the defending champion, the finalist, and the host nation all failed to reach the round of 16. At least the South Africans can hold their heads high and maintain some dignity, which can be said for neither Italy nor France.

At the very least - least being the operative word - Italy produced the most exciting second half - more like the second half of the second half - in the tournament.

Up until the last quarter of the match, I would have said that this team absolutely did not deserve to advance. And up until the last quarter of the match, that would have been 100% accurate. But the way they played the final 20 minutes was inspired and beautiful, albeit far too slow in arriving.

Two late goals, plus an effort just cleared off the line and a disallowed goal for offside; Italy produced more during that brief stretch than they did in the previous 250 or so minutes of play.

It was as if they kicked it into another gear that everyone knew they possessed, but for one reason or another didn't deem necessary to utilize, making their elimination all the more frustrating, infuriating, and embarrassing.

Andrea Pirlo was not fit for the first two matches, of course, but it does make me wonder what could have been, had the final configuration of the team been the initial one.

Fabio Quagliarella was brilliant, and did more in his one half of play than Vincenzo Iaquinta did in the entire tournament. Antonio Di Natale also provided a spark that proved too little too late, a Bic lighter that gets chucked into the woods upon its exhaustion of fuel.

Iaquinta, Gennaro Gattuso and Gianluca Zambrotta were either useless or invisible, and Daniele de Rossi did all he could to erase the good will of his goal against Paraguay; his terrible giveaway forced Italy to come from behind for a third consecutive match.

There will be bitching and moaning about Marcello Lippi making a bee-line for the locker room and not shaking the hand of the Slovakian head coach, and I can understand why, especially after what happened with France's Raymond Domenech after the South Africa match.

But the Slovaks' tactics after making it 3-1 was absolutely disgraceful. Lying on the pitch, wasting time, even attacking Italian players trying to retrieve the ball from the net and get on with the game; certainly not becoming of the team that outclassed the now-former world champions.

Time wasting is an unfortunate part of the late-match strategy of a team headed toward victory, and would no doubt have been employed if Italy were leading, but likely not to that extent.

Regardless, the outcome remains unchanged. An era of Calcio Italiano is over.

Injured keeper Gianluigi Buffon said it best: "Eliminazione meritata": deserved elimination.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Daniele De Rossi is...The Most Interesting Man In The World.

Daniele De Rossi's organ donation card also lists his beard.

His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man’s entire body.

You can see his charisma from space.

He is...The Most Interesting Man In The World.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Hey, South Africa, Pretty Sure Your Goalkeeper Is Deaf

World Cup host South Africa have to be pretty happy with their opening effort, a hard-fought and exciting 1-1 draw with heavily-favoured Mexico.

The feat is even more remarkable when you consider that their goalkeeper apparently can't hear a goddamn thing.

Itumeleng Khune called out fans after the game for failing to provide enough noise and atmosphere to give Bafana Bafana a homefield advantage.

"We couldn’t hear the vuvuzelas. We expected to hear them and to be lifted by the people and the noise and the atmosphere. It was a letdown."

Really, Itumeleng? Because if you asked anyone who was actually watching the game, that's ALL you could hear.

And if those annoyingly loud horns were nearly unbearable watching the game on TV, how bad would it have been live?

Ever been to a Jays game where that one assclown won't stop blowing his plastic horn? Multiply that by about 85,000 and you've got your answer.

Finally, I'd be remiss if I didn't comment on France not scoring in their opening match, which will hopefully end up being the worst of the tournament.

The last time they had a 0-0 draw with Uruguay? 2002...when they scored zero goals all tournament and failed to qualify. Love it.

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

The Pirates Aren't Intimidated By Stephen Strasburg, Are Also Delusional

Tonight, Washington Nationals wunderkind (and member of 525 Scott Richmond) Stephen Strasburg will make his long-anticipated major-league debut against the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Most expect him to make mincemeat out of the Quad-A caliber Pirates lineup, much like he carved up the minor leagues on the road to The Show.

As one also might expect, the Pirates aren't totally cool with everyone saying that some 21 year old kid is going to ruin their shit, and are attempting to downplay the significance of the game, saying that he's just like any other pitcher they've faced, that they've faced a lot of good pitchers, yadda yadda yadda.

But Pirates OF and ex-Nat Lastings Milledge predictably took things too far: (emphasis mine)
"We know he’s going to bring it, but he’s got nine tough guys to get out, so we’re going to battle. He’s got to face nine of the best hitters in the world."
NINE of the best hitters in the world? You guys don't even have ONE of the best hitters in the world!

The Pirates are hitting .237, tied for worst in the National League, and have scored 187 runs, which is second-worst in all of baseball, one more than the last-place Baltimore Orioles.

Pitchers generally have the advantage over hitters who've never faced them before, so you'd think Pittsburgh would be preparing a little bit. Nope. They might not even watch tape of his minor league starts.

“We’ll probably just treat him like we treat everybody,” Milledge said. “We’ll kind of see what he’s got as we go.”

Yeah, good luck with that.

UPDATE: "What he's got" is absolutely filthy. Strasburg punched out 14 Pirates through 7 innings, didn't walk a batter and made one quasi-mistake (Delwyn Young golfed a low changeup into the first row of right field).

Assuming he can avoid injury (and after witnessing that performance, you really hope he can), this kid is going to be special.

Next victim: the Cleveland Indians on Sunday.

Saturday, June 05, 2010

Welcome Back, Dewayne Wise!

The Blue Jays turned the clock back to the days when steroid use in baseball was still shrouded in mystery, by bringing back a guy who probably could have used some.

Toronto signed outfielder Dewayne Wise to a minor-league deal on Saturday; he will report to Dunedin for extended spring training, aka "They're paying me to play consequence-free baseball in Florida", aka the best job ever.

Wise was a member of the 2000 Jays (contributing exactly zero homers to that year's club-record of 244) and also played on the '02 team before shuttling off to the National League.

Wise's claim to fame is without question his Mark Buehrle perfecto-saving catch last season for the White Sox. describes Wise as being "primarily known for his outstanding defense", which means he can't hit water if he fell out of a boat.

Still, nice to have you back in the fold, Wisey. Anyone know the whereabouts of Rob Ducey and Chad Mottola?

Thursday, June 03, 2010

"The Imperfect Storm" by Jim Joyce

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I can't watch this anymore.

*watches it one more time*




Saturday, May 29, 2010

If Chicks Dig The Long Ball, Then The Jays Are Casanova

Four more jacks today makes it an even 50 for the month of May, setting a franchise record for most homers in a month.

The 2010 Jays are on pace for 267 swats, which would break the all-time single-season record set by Seattle in '97.

While that's perhaps a stretch, the franchise single-season record of 244 (set in 2000) is well within striking distance.

Some of the members of that '00 club: Tony Batista (41), Brad "Pipes" Fullmer (32), Jose Cruz (31), Raul Mondesi (24), and the Original Alex Gonzalez™ (15).

What makes this 2010 outburst even more impressive is that pretty much everyone on that 2000 Jays squad was juicing.

No one will accuse the likes of Jose Bautista (195 pounds) or Aaron Hill (5'11", 205) of being roided up, especially now that steroids have been completely and totally removed from baseball, right?

Anyway, home runs are awesome.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

R.I.P. Jose Lima, You Crazy Bastard

It's a sad day for fans of highly unstable athletes, which this blog counts itself amongst.

Former MLB pitcher and fantasy baseball idol Jose Lima has died of a massive heart attack in Los Angeles.

He was just 37, but there's no question he lived the hell out of each of those 37 years.

Let's go on a journey, shall we?

*cueing the retrospective music and soft focus camera*

Lima's career began in 1994 in unspectacular fashion, going 8 and 16 in three seasons with the Tigers. The highlight of his time in Motown was this quote, upon being released:

"If I can't pitch on this team--the worst or second-worst team in baseball--where am I going to pitch? If I can't start on this ballclub, I must be the worst pitcher on Earth."
Lima was traded to Houston, where all of a sudden he became not the worst pitcher on Earth. Lima went 16 and 8 in 1998, sporting a ridiculous 5.28 K/BB rate, and then in 1999 it all came together. Lima won 21 games with the Astros that year, earning his only All-Star appearance and marking the official beginning of "Lima time".

And what a time it was...until 2000, when the wheels fell off. Lima went 7 and 16 while surrendering 48 home runs, two short of the single-season record.

Lima bounced around for a while before signing with the Dodgers in 2004, where he experienced a brief renaissance, going 13 and 5 with a 4.07 ERA, his lowest since his career year in '99. Lima pitched a 5-hit shutout against the St. Louis Cardinals in Game 4 of the NLDS, the Dodgers' first postseason win since Game 5 of the 1988 World Series.

2004 not only cemented Lima's place in Dodger lore, but also in the Crazy/Awesome Hall of Fame by singing the American national anthem with his smoking hot common-law wife Melissa beside him. In December of that year, Lima was successfully sued by a woman who claimed she had contracted genital herpes from him. What a buzzkill.

Oh, and did I say "brief" renaissance ? I meant "just that one year". Lima again lost 16 games, this time with the Royals in 2005, signalling the beginning of the end. Lima's 6.99 ERA was the highest single-season total in baseball history for a pitcher with 30 or more games started.

After flaming out of the big leagues, Lima's career took him all over the world, from Korea to Mexico to Long Beach to Edmonton.

And that's when the story got even more interesting, if you can believe it. You see, Lima split up with Melissa and neglected to pay child support. This led to a Deadspin-supported wild goose chase for his whereabouts last year, which actually bore fruit. Lima was pitching in the Dominican Winter League for the Águilas Cibaeñas. No word on whether Lima paid up, but like they say, it's about the journey, not the destination.

We'll also never get to witness Lima's seemingly inevitable return to the spotlight as a Dominican bachata singer, which was allegedly what he intended to do after he retired.

The tributes are already popping up all over the majors; David Ortiz wore a cap with "RIP Lima" written on it, and former teammates, managers and owners are paying their respects to an eccentric but kind man who you couldn't help but root for. Except maybe his ex-wife. And whoever he gave the herps to.

So vaya con dios, Jose. You died as you lived: in batshit loco fashion.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

May 19 Should Be A Pagan Holiday

...because Angel Pagan should never have to do anything on this day ever again.

The Mets outfielder became the first player in 55 years to leg out an inside-the-park home run and start a triple play in the same game.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is the definition of WORK.

But because the Mets are, well, shit, Pagan's efforts went to waste, as the Nats won 5-3.

Apu's favourite squadron sits dead last in the NL East, the only team in the hyper-competitive division to not be competitive.

But at least you can't knock Pagan's effort. Soon-to-be-ex manager Jerry Manuel called the Puerto Rican "probably our best athlete."

No kidding!

So congrats to Pagan, for locking up the top Mets moment of the mid-May.

*sad trombone*

Monday, May 17, 2010

Chris Bosh Should Probably Stop Tweeting. Seriously.

May 17 - Man! I am truly and honestly out of shape. Lol

May 16 - Anybody know of a good TV series to get into?

May 15 - I just had the best burger of my life

May 14 - I almost made it the whole day without anyone asking what I'm gonna do about next year.

May 13 - I am bored out of my mind!

Free agency: you're doing it wrong.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Oh Look, Everyone Cares About Jays Games All Of A Sudden

The city-wide outcry over the G20 summit cockblocking the Roy Halladay Reunion Tour would be amusing, if it weren't so terribly misguided and somewhat pathetic.

I must remind myself that most of the whining and bitching is coming from sports fans and/or those in the sports industry, who by and large aren't the most logical group of people out there.

But it's profoundly irritating and downright insulting to someone like me, a legitimate die-hard Jays fan since I was a toddler, to hear griping from these people.

It's a simple inequality: The G20 Summit > Late June Baseball Games.

We're talking about the leaders of the free world convening to discuss issues that will impact the future of the planet. We're talking about an event that will surpass the Vancouver Olympics in scope. There will be protests. There will be heavy security. There will be massive areas of the downtown Toronto area cordoned off. Not exactly the most ideal circumstances under which to host a series of likely meaningless baseball games.

This childish reaction is to be expected from the largely fairweather fanbase in the GTA; where in the living fuck have you people been the rest of this season, when the Jays were and are struggling to hit 10,000 fans a game? Heck, where were you when Halladay was actually pitching for the Jays? Attendance has been an absolute joke this season, and this pretty much underscores the fact that most Jays fans are only interested in a couple of sexy, trendy series matchups and don't actually care about the team, even when it's winning more games than expected.

For what it's worth, there's only a 60% chance that the Doc would even make a start in Toronto, and based on current rotation projections it's unlikely his turn would be up that weekend. Either way, relax. Halladay will pitch again in Toronto someday; this won't be the last chance for fans to get another glimpse of the best pitcher to ever don the uniform.

The only people with a legitimate reason to complain are the other contenders in the National League, more specifically in the NL East, because the Phillies essentially have been handed three extra home games, which is not an insignificant number.

From their perspective, playing the series in another city would be the best-case scenario, but a neutral site doesn't do much for the Jays organization or for those who've already bought tickets and made plans for that weekend. Paul Beeston & Co. struck a deal with a Phillies organization with which they have a long-standing good relationship, and are prepared to deal with the consequences, whether they're warranted or not.

In the end they made the only decision that would have made sense for the team and for the City of Toronto, and if you don't like it, then you're missing the point.

And if your reaction to this news is to further boycott going to games, then perhaps you shouldn't be a fan at all.

Sunday, May 09, 2010

It's Definitely Dallas Braden's Mound Now

I really don't want to extend his extra 15 minutes of fame."
- Alex Rodriguez on Dallas Braden, May 7, 2010

"Stick it, A-Rod"
- Dallas Braden's grandma, after Braden pitched the 19th perfect game in MLB history

Who else is looking forward to the July 5 Yanks/A's series?

Thursday, April 22, 2010


*channeling Hunter S. Thompson and his disregard for proper capitalization*

There are a lot of things being said about the Ben Roethlisberger Situation. Pretty much all of it is Mumbo Jumbo Looney Tunes Bullshit, & it's hard to determine what Is and what Is Not true.

Well, since this is a Blog, I'm not going to pretend that what I'm saying is anything other than an Opinion. Perhaps an informed, intelligent Opinion, but an Opinion nonetheless.

With that in mind, here are some Things I Think About This Situation:

- Ben Roethlisberger was suspended for four to six games for not committing a crime, according to the Laws of the United States Justice System.

- Being a Disrespectful, Entitled Asshole is not a crime.

- The National Football League is in the business of Making Money, & not in the business of Morality.

- The Pittsburgh Steelers are in the business of Winning Football Games, & also not in the business of Morality.

- Roger Goodell has decided that suspending Ben Roethlisberger for being a Disrespectful, Entitled Asshole is the Morally Right thing to do.

- Art Rooney II has decided that trading Ben Roethlisberger, who has won two (2) Super Bowls & restored the Steelers' franchise as a football powerhouse, for being a Disrespectful, Entitled Asshole is the Morally Right thing to do.

That is all ye know, & all ye need to know.

All the rest of it is just another chapter in the never-ending "Society holds professional athletes to unreasonably high moral standards & charges them with being role models whether they want to be or not" saga.

There is no doubt that Ben Roethlisberger is a world-class Swine. But his behaviour was being implicitly tolerated & accepted by the very same fans, organization and league that are now selling him up the Three Rivers.

As the old saying goes, you can't create a monster & then whine when he stomps on a few buildings.


April 22, 2010

Monday, April 19, 2010

Ike Davis Is White, Brandon Morrow Is Not So Bad, And Boston Is In Trouble

Only one of those statements is 100% true. If you're from Bahston, one of them is 100% false, but fuck those Massholes and their upcoming Jersey Shore ripoff show.

Anyway, the Mets called up Davis, their highly-touted 1B prospect, and promptly inserted him into the starting lineup (where he went 2-for-4 with an RBI), because the trio of bums who've patrolled the position (Mike Jacobs, Fernando Tatis, Frank Catalanotto) have combined for an Overbay-esque .180 AVG with one homer. (That said, the Jays should definitely kick the tires on Jacobs if he hits the waiver wire; you don't hit 32 homers in the major leagues by fluke.)

But the real story here, as mentioned in the header, is that Ike Davis is not a strong safety in the NFL, or a rotation player in the NBA. He is a white baseball player, and has got to be the first white baseball player named Ike in the history of the game.

So good luck, kid. You'll need it at Citi Field.

Some good news out of Blue Jay land, as Brandon Morrow finally showed everyone what he's capable of, taking a no-no into the 6th against the Royals and striking out eight batters through seven innings.

Needless to say, a welcome change from his first two dreadful outings, and all of a sudden a Romero/Marcum/Morrow/Eveland rotation looks pretty nasty (what kind of Jays fan would I be if I didn't wildly extrapolate?) and leaves Brian Tallet as the no-brainer odd man out whenever one of the dudes who is either injured, rehabbing or getting seasoning in Vegas returns. (UPDATE: Tallet's next start is being pushed back due to a sore forearm; hopefully until the 5th of fucking NEVER, amirite?)

And finally, back to Boston. After being swept at the hands of the Rays, the BoSox sit at 4-9 and are tied for the 2nd worst record in the American League.

They were booed early and often during their 8-2 loss to Tampa on Patriots Day, and understandably so: they were 0-for-30 with runners in scoring position in the series, and the rotation has been pounded to the tune of 26 runs in 26 2/3 innings of work in their last five starts.

David Ortiz looks lost at the plate, Jacoby Ellsbury is banged up, and Victor Martinez and Kevin Youkilis are struggling to hit their weight.

Hopefully Theo Epstein was following the Boston Marathon, because he could probably put a bunch of Kenyan distance runners out there and get a better result.

Sure, the Sox won't be this terrible all year, and almost certainly won't finish 4th in the East. But the Yankees are the Yankees, the Rays look scary, and the Jays love to beat up on Boston.

Plus it's still April, so, you know, optimism and all that.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

The Jays Have Their Scapegoat

Lyle Overbay is terrible. How terrible?

Here are some of the players hitting "better" than Lyle Overbay:

Lou Marson CLE - .091 AVG in 2010 (2-for-22), .218 career AVG
Jeff Clement PIT - .103 AVG in 2010 (3-for-29), .222 career AVG
Brandon Wood LAA - .105 AVG in 2010 (4-for-38), .178 career AVG

Lyle Overbay - .080 AVG in 2010 (4-for-50).

Horrendous. Overbay is making $7 million in 2010 and he can't even hit the weight of one of the Olsen twins.

The worst part? Coming into today, Overbay was in the top 25 in the majors in at-bats, which essentially means he has the lowest possible average in the most possible chances given to a player sucking this badly.

Of course, the reason he's getting these chances is because the Jays have no one to replace him. Randy Ruiz is a part-time player at best and Brett Wallace isn't ready.

But if it wasn't apparent before that the Blue Jays have the absolute worst starting first baseman in the league, it certainly is now. I'd rather have the Marlins' Gaby Sanchez (he's hitting .308!), Oakland's Daric Barton (.317!), or heck, even Seattle's Casey Kotchman (.229).

Unfortunately, because Cito Gaston fills out his lineups like he's in a weekly fantasy league (once on Mondays, good for seven days) don't expect to see Overbay on the bench anytime soon:

"I don't think sitting him is going to help him at all. He needs to get out there and just keep battling and hope something turns around."
Translation: get used to seeing Overbay's awful bat (and terrifying face) in the five-spot for the foreseeable future.

Seriously, that face will haunt my dreams.

Friday, April 16, 2010

I Like This Fred Lewis Guy Already

You may have heard by now that Fred Lewis is the newest member of the Toronto Blue Jays. What you may not have heard is that you heard it from him first.

This screenshot is of Lewis' Facebook page, about an hour or so before any media outlet reported the news.

I like his moxy. He's not gonna let some crotchety old beat reporter or hot-shot Twitter-phile beat him to the punch. If he's this fast in the social media world, imagine him on the basepaths!

He even changed the little info box on his profile page to read "Blue Jays Outfielder Fred Lewis Is Nothing, But A STUD!" THAT'S GREAT HUSTLE!

Lewis is clearly happy to be out of San Fran and in Toronto (for some reason), so let the man have his moment of glory, before he realizes he's a bench player for a team that can't draw more than 10,000 fans for any game that's not Opening Day or against the Red Sox or Yankees.

Plus check out this glowing endorsement from Jays GM Alex Anthopoulos:

“What he’s done in the past, having been an everyday player before, those are the guys ideally you’d like to fill your bench with, guys with experience. Those are better bench players. We felt it was an upgrade maybe over what we have currently.”
Suck it, Jeremy Reed! See you in Vegas at the end of the month.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

As Usual, Hunter S. Thompson Had This Shit Figured Out Ten Years Ago

Hunter S. Thompson was a man ahead of his time. While journalism was still revered as a noble and upstanding pursuit, Thompson was calling out both athletes and politicians on their bullshit, getting smashed at the Kentucky Derby and running around Vegas drugged out of his mind, in an effort to get the most sensational and therefore "real" story possible.

So it should be no surprise that he had a solution to the ever-growing problem of baseball games taking goddamn forever to play, and that it is wholly representative of the "Gonzo journalism" he popularized in his heyday.

In his November 6, 2000 "Hey Rube" ESPN column, Thompson outlined his plans to redesign and shorten baseball games, in three easy steps:

ELIMINATE THE PITCHER: This will knock at least one hour off the length of a game... Pitchers, as a group, are pampered little swine with too much money and no real effect on the game except to drag it out and interrupt the action.

Works for me. Pitchers are far and away the major source of my frustration with the game (especially the ones currently on my fantasy team). The good Doctor proposed that a pitching machine would pop up from the mound, provide an automatic pitch (dialed to the exact specifications of the catcher), and then sink down into the mound to open up the infield. Open it up for what, you ask?

ALL BASE-RUNNERS MAY RUN TO ANY BASE (but not backward) -- First to Third, Second to Home, etc. And with NO PITCHER in the game, this frantic scrambling across the infield will be Feasible and Tempting.

Oh, for that. Between the chaos going on in the infield and the customizable pitch-bot, the catcher becomes the most important player on the field, throwing runners out and dictating the exact pitch needed in every situation (which a real pitcher provides about 2% of the time).

This is all well and good, but what of the length? And how the hell do we keep score of this madness?

LIMIT ALL GAMES TO THREE (3) HOURS: Like football and basketball and hockey, the Baseball game will end at a fixed time. THE SCORE, at that moment, WILL BE FINAL, based on an accumulation of TOTAL BASES IN 3 hours.

Delicious. Try and tell me you wouldn't watch that. DON'T LIE TO ME!

You can read the full article in all its glory and wild genius here, or listen to Hunter's widow Anita read it aloud in the video above.

We miss you, Hunter. Mahalo.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The Entire World Conspires Against Ricky Romero

Last night, Blue Jays ace Ricky Romero found himself six outs away from the first Jays no-hitter since Dave Stieb and his sexy stache-mullet combo blanked the Indians in 1990.

And then the collective baseball gods rose up and said, "Nay."

Since I was raised Catholic and know that God works in mysterious ways, I'm not surprised that the baseball gods also subscribe to this doctrine, revealing their dastardly plans in reverse.

First, the man who ended the no-no bid was none other than Alex Rios, the former can't-miss-but-did-miss prospect who the Jays unceremoniously dumped on waivers, who crushed a mistake changeup from Romero into the left field bleachers (Hey, I thought he didn't give a fuck) for a 2-run homer.

Then, upon closer scrutiny of the guy on base for the Rios blast, it was shown that White Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski had duped home plate ump Tim McClelland into thinking he had been hit on the foot by Romero's pitch in the dirt, when clearly that was not the case.

Pierzynski is well known as one of the dirtier players in the game, but he got away with one despite his past history, which forced Romero to pitch from the stretch and may have served to rattle him somewhat.

And finally, no story of deception and sabotage would be complete without the "we got a man on the inside" angle, played in this case by new Jays starting catcher John Buck (What kind of name is "John Buck" anyway? He's gotta be a double agent).

Buck was discussing Romero's outing with pitching coach Bruce Walton (which is a no-no, pun not intended) when he glanced at the scoreboard.
"I kind of looked up there I was like, 'Oh my gosh, they don't have any hits,' " Buck said.
And all was lost.

Still, a superb outing from the kid, who clearly has the goods to be the best Jays lefty since Jimmy Key.

And uh, not to jinx it or anything (see what I did there?), but a 6-2 record for tops in the AL East? I'll take it!

(Just get me to the World Cup, Jays, that's all I ask...seriously.)

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

NHL Considers Expansion To Africa

OK, not really. But hey, at least we can take solace in the fact that hockey jerseys are keeping people clothed.

Hockey night in Liberia: NHL jerseys everywhere in war-torn nation

"We don't know the game," Joe Peters admits, wiping sweat off his cheek. "But the jerseys are very fine. Very high quality."

Unlike the game, most of the time.

I propose we send more jerseys to these people in need. It would give us a great opportunity to rid ourselves of the offensive and douchebaggy jerseys that plague our sports community, while at the same time doing a great service for people who lack basic clothing.

The main offenders:

1) The "non-traditional name on the back" jersey

You, sir, are an idiot. I don't care what "The Goose" means; you just look like a tool.

2) The "traded player" jersey

So your favourite player was traded. Get over it. In this modern age of sports with huge contracts and free agency and crooked agents, one must be loyal to a team, not a player. So stop wearing that jersey: he's never coming back, because he hates you. Exception: Wayne Gretzky Oilers jerseys.

3) The "non-traditional colours" jersey.

Sweet Christ, that is hideous. This applies to you, ladies: that pink Pens jersey is not cute, it makes you appear even more stupid and slutty than you probably already are.

Please, people, I implore you: do the right thing, and get that fucking monstrosity off your back/out of your closet and help a fellow human being out.

Sunday, February 07, 2010




Oh Manning Face, I missed you!

Congrats to the Saints for a great year (and for possibly winning me my office pool).

Pitchers and catchers report in 10 days!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

And Another San Diego Chargers Season Ends In Epic Fail

When's spring training?

*looking at Jays 2010 roster*

Uh, when's the World Cup?

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Catch The Taste Of Harsh Reality: Roberto Alomar Is Not A First-Ballot Hall Of Famer

Two things happened after the announcement of the 2010 Baseball Hall of Fame inductees: spontaneous, poorly-informed debate, and the repeat viewing of this video.

Roberto Alomar missed making it to the Baseball Hall of Fame by just eight votes, drawing the ire of many pundits and fans who felt he should have gotten in on the first ballot.

The "snubbing" even caused a heated debate at The Score; to be fair, the last two heated debates in Newspit 2 involved Jersey Shore, so take that for what it's worth.

Alomar-backers are claiming the infamous Hirschbeck-spitting incident, or more recently the AIDS tabloid rumours affected Alomar's bid. I certainly hope that's not the case, because that would be the wrong reason not to elect someone to the Hall of Fame, given that a few HOF members were described as unlikable jerks and borderline criminals in their day.

The real reason, and the right reason, is that Roberto Alomar is simply not worthy of a first-ballot nomination.

The process of getting into the Hall of Fame is questionable at best, and the biggest factor of all is circumstance. Alomar got close to the 75% threshold in large part because the other candidates were weak; Andre Dawson finally got in on his ninth try, while Bert Blyleven again fell just short after 13 years on the ballot. Did anyone think that Dawson and Blyleven were definitely among the absolute best in the sport? Evidently not.

Heck, even Joe DiMaggio, Jimmie Foxx, and Rogers Hornsby (the greatest 2B ever) weren't first-balloters. If they didn't get in on their first shot, then clearly factors other than numbers, awards and warm fuzzy feelings are at play here.

Many people are throwing around the best-second-baseman-of-his-generation title, which again is more about circumstance and less about credentials.

Can you really say that Roberto Alomar dominated his position the way Cal Ripken or Rickey Henderson did? You can, if you're a crazy person.

Alomar was undoubtedly the best 2B in the American League in his time, but when you include the National League, Alomar suddenly becomes just the best defensive second baseman.

Jeff Kent holds the title of best offensive second baseman of the era; his 351 homers are the most ever at the position. Kent also won the NL MVP in 2000; Alomar never won an MVP.

And best all-around second-bagger should go to Craig Biggio, who got to 3000 hits (which Alomar did not), and has the hardware and the history to back it up (he is the only player ever with 3000 hits, 600 doubles, 400 stolen bases, and 250 home runs).

Will Kent and Biggio get first-ballot nominations? Probably not, and neither should Alomar.

To be clear: he will get in, and it should happen next year. But putting Alomar in the same sentence as Ripken, Henderson and Tony Gwynn is just foolish.

When you think "bonafide, no-brainer Hall of Famer", you do NOT think of Roberto Alomar.

And if you do, you're either a Jays fan, or an idiot. Or both.