Cue The Shea Hillenbrand Quotes

Well, this isn't going well.

Having lost both major-statement games so far not to mention dropping seven straight road games has made the Jays bandwagon much lighter.

This was, of course, inevitable. Everyone not named Alex Rios, Vernon Wells and Lyle Overbay wasn't going to keep hitting over .300. Rookie pitchers weren't going to keep confusing major-league hitters. The bullpen wasn't going to remain immaculate all year.

The real problem now is when does the team hit bottom? Certainly dropping two of three to the Orioles might look like bottom, but who knows?

Unlike many apoplectic/apocalyptic/narcoleptic Jays "fans", I shall remain optimistic and list the positives:

1) Six games over .500 is still pretty good, and they're only 1.5 games back despite the losing skid.
2) The pitching is as healthy as it's been all year, with Casey Janssen, B.J. Ryan and Ricky Romero (who's starting tonight) back. Robert (Bobby) Ray and Brett Cecil can go back to the minors where they belong, and hopefully they won't need em again this year.
3) Aaron Hill is still an All-Star.
4) Roy Halladay is still an All-Star.

My prediction: The Jays will be fine. They go 3-2 the rest of the month to finish 15-14 in May, and then perform well in June (Toronto doesn't face an AL East team till Tampa on the 29th).

The ship ain't sinkin yet. It's just taking on a little water.

The Game of the Year (So Far, Again)

I know, I know, I've said all this before and it's still freakin' May, but I'd much rather hype this up than listen to people poo-poo the team's hot start as a mirage.

Let's not forget, the Jays weren't this good this late into the season even when they won back-to-back World Series. You have to go back to 1985 (McFly!) when the Jays won their first AL East division title for a start this hot.

Worst case scenario the Jays will still be in first if they get swept, but winning two of three would increase their lead to 4 1/2 games and put the fear of the Lord (aka Roy Halladay) into Boston and the rest of the East.

The Red Sox send Dirty Tim Wakefield to the mound tonight, which is not great since that dude can mess an offense up for an entire series. But the Jays have a few tricks up their sleeve as well; with Brian Tallet, Brett Cecil and Robert Ray, three guys the Red Sox haven't seen much of (in Tallet's case) or at all.

LET'S GO TO-RAHN-TO! OW-AH TEAM ERA IS BETTAH THAN YO-AH TEAM ERA! NO ONE DENIES THIS!

Transformers: Where Amazing Happens

Halladay vs. Burnett: The Game of the Year (so far)

There's no reason to hype this game any further than it has been already, but it's without question the most important game of the Jays' season up to this point.

The rest of the baseball world (and who are we kidding, most of Toronto as well) still isn't sold on this team being for real, but the opportunity to prove just that is at the Jays' door.

The subplot is of course what the media has hyped as a mentor-versus-student pitching matchup in Roy Halladay vs. A.J. Burnett.

I'm not sure what it says about Burnett that in his 11th year in the big leagues, he claims to have learned more from Halladay than anyone else (Brad Arnsberg is sobbing softly in a corner of the Jays clubhouse right now) given that he had seven successful (albeit injury-filled) season before coming to Toronto and meeting Halladay.

What this does confirm, however, is that anyone who actually knows pitching knows that Roy Halladay is the best pitcher in the American League, if not the majors. I've heard Derek Jeter and Joe Torre echo that sentiment every time the Yankees face
him (Doc is 15-5 with a sub-3 ERA and two shutouts vs. New York in his career, so they know all about how nasty he can be).

Meanwhile Burnett might need to pick Doc's brain a little more, as his numbers so far this year aren't exactly Halladay-esque; he's sporting an ERA well over 5 through six starts.

And if any team knows how A.J. pitches, it's the Jays.

The offense teeing off on Burnett combined with a vintage Doc performance will not only evoke a bunch of lame student-master Star Wars bullcrap moments, but also send a huge statement to the rest of the American League that the Jays aren't going anywhere.

The atmosphere at the Dome should be at its highest in years, and I look forward to witnessing that in person, even if it means paying an extra three bucks for upper deck seats for a "Premium" game (I'll be going to sit in more expensive seats like I do every game anyway; I consider buying a 500 level ticket to be General Admission).

Halladay and the red-hot Jays! Burnett and the hated Yankees! Scores of fairweather drunk Jays fans! Almost as many upstate-New York loudmouth drunk Yankees fans!

Not having to listen to Jamie Campbell undoubtedly kill the mood with his buffoonery!

First pitch 7:07 PM! Let's get it on!

21-12

WARNING: Multiple Rush references ahead. Read this post at your own risk.

The Jays scored early and often on Oakland, leaving A's starter Sean Gallagher in tears.

Adam Lind was clutch once again, teaching us all lessons in how to bring runners home (Lindsy's in the top 5 in the AL in RBIs, dontcha know).

Brian Tallet was stellar (side note: look at the guy, dude's probably a huge Rush fan), providing a nice passage to the bullpen.

Scott Downs was shaky for the first time all year, which made you wonder if we were in the twilight zone, but Downsy wriggled out of trouble.

It would have been nice to be in a position to sweep the A's, but you can't get something for nothing.

ATTENTION ALL TEAMS OF THE AMERICAN LEAGUE EAST
ATTENTION ALL TEAMS OF THE AMERICAN LEAGUE EAST
ATTENTION ALL TEAMS OF THE AMERICAN LEAGUE EAST
WE HAVE ASSUMED CONTROL
WE HAVE ASSUMED CONTROL
WE HAVE ASSUMED CONTROL

18-9 And Feelin' Fine

Two more accomplishments in this early and unbelievable and unbelievably early 2009 Jays season:

- First series sweep; thanks Baltimore for settling who the worst team in the AL East will be, no matter what happens the rest of the way for the Jays.

- Responding when faced with real adversity; dropping three of four to the Royals could have sent the team into a tailspin, and instead they bounce back in a big way.

Plus Alex Rios and Vernon Wells went yard in the same game for the second time this season, which is already two more times than all of 2008.

And thanks to the Dome and its waterproof roof, the Jays won't be scrambling to make up rainouts later in the season, which can go a long way. That's rare praise for the Rogers Cavern but it's pretty much the only good thing you can say about it nowadays (that and cheap hot dog nights).

Up next are two at home against a struggling Cleveland club and then a five-game west coast roadie in L.A. and Oakland; three straight series against below .500 clubs.

This team could have 25 or even 30 (!) wins by Victoria Day. Wow.

Fan Up? More Like Fan Down

Denver just beat New Orleans by 58 points (!) tying an NBA playoff record.

There's a hurricane joke in there somewhere, but I'm too Canadian to come up with one (or to post one, at least).

One word sums up this game (and it's not even really a word): turrible.

The Kansas City Royals Will Be The Death Of The Blue Jays

First 1985, and now this.

Also, I'm on Twitter. You can follow the blog and other non-sports thoughts I occasionally have, which usually center around sandwiches. Anyway.

Tuesday Tuesday Tuesday!

Blue Jays! Rangers! $5 tickets! $1 hot dogs! Halladay on the mound! No alcohol!

...Um, wait, that last one's not a good thing.

Anyway, see you at the game, which will be as dry as Chicago in the 20s (in that everyone was still drunk somehow).

"Swisher, Start Warming Up..."

Bronx Bummer: Indians’ 14-run second dooms Yankees

"The fans started chanting 'We want Swisher!' for the second time in the series..."

"The 'We want Swisher!' chant returned when Hafner hit his fourth homer of the season in the eighth."

Wow. New Yankee Stadium is sure off to a fine start. Must have been that other Red Sox jersey in the foundation.

Oh, Sportsnet, This Is Why You're Terrible

Sportsnet's Roger Millions Says Cock Sucker On Live Television

John Madden's Retirement Speech

"When you've been a head coach in the National Football League for 12 years, a-a-a-and then you've been a broadcaster for 30 years, you put that together and BOOM! Tha-tha-that's over 40 years..."

*using telestrater for no reason*

"And then you see right over here, Brett Favre is thinking bootleg, and then WHAP! Bootleg! He-he-he-he-he's just a great player."

*eating turducken*

"Any time you can run the ball, set up the play action pass, score touchdowns, a-a-a-and then get defensive stops on the other end, y-y-y-you have a great chance to win the game."

*getting in giant bus*

*driving off into the sunset*

The Yankees' Bullpen Is A Disgrace To Major League Baseball

Something pretty stinky will be coming back to the Bronx on Thursday, and it ain't the boat from Garbage Island.

The Yankees' pen has already given up 15 runs this season, highlighted by a 7-spot on Monday night in relief of Chien-Ming Wang en route to a 15-5 thumping at the hands of the American League Champion Rays.

(Wang was worse, surrendering eight runs in 1+ innings, raising his season ERA to a cool 28.93. It's never a good sign when your ERA is higher than your age).

And the one reliever who didn't allow a run? Well. he's their first baseman.

New York threw Nick fuckin' Swisher out there for the 8th, making him the first Yankees position player to pitch since Wade Boggs befuddled hitters with his knuckler back in 1997.

He wasn't terrible, either, allowing a hit and a walk on 22 pitches. And he even struck out a guy (Gabe Kapler, you should be ashamed of yourself).

It's really a travesty when you consider that the Yankees possess perhaps the best closer ever in Mariano Rivera. Outside of Rivera, New York has maybe one legitimate big-league reliever, lefty Damaso Marte, and he wasn't exactly stellar last season either.

Sure, they had a nice little run for a few games at the start there, going nine straight no-hit innings in games number two through four of the season, but I cannot believe that Brian Cashman and the Yankees' brass thought they could get away with having such a putrid pen.

Phil Coke? Jonathan Albaladejo? Makes you pine for Steve Howe, doesn't it?

Perhaps Swisher is the answer. They've been having difficulty getting him in the starting lineup every day anyway; it's killing two birds with one stone!

And look at that form!

I Wish I Could Quit You, Blue Jays

OK, I'll admit it. The Jays are sucking me in.

This was supposed to be the year I wasn't going to be excited about the Blue Jays, the year I was going to refuse to believe they had any chance of being a good team.

This coming from a life-long Jays fan who once had his childhood bedroom covered from ceiling to floor to wall in Jays stuff (border, curtains, bedspread, posters).

But after watching Roy Halladay get out of a jam and the Jays scratch across three (live update, four) early runs against the Indians, I can't hold back any more...

The Toronto Blue Jays are for real!

I know it's only five and a half games into the season, but they've got the best record in the American League and lead the majors in runs with 37 (live update, 41), home runs, hits, doubles, and RBIs.

Future MVP Adam Lind leads the majors in RBIs with 11 (live update, 12) and is on pace for about 350 RBIs.

The starting pitching hasn't been as terrible as expected (we actually lead the league in Ks somehow), and perhaps the biggest surprise of all, they've actually had a couple of clutch/comeback wins already.

I'm sure by the end of the month I'll be singing a different tune, but for now the only song in my head goes a little something like this.

Victory Is Theirs (And Mine!)

The Jays won their home opener easily over the Tigers (complete with drunk unruly fans...can't wait for cheap nights in the upper deck).

Speaking of Detroit teams losing...


UNC captured their 5th national championship in a game that was never close, dashing the hopes of the people of Michigan, who hoped a Spartans win would somehow fix the economy and keep American jobs from going to Mexico or something.

I guess my bracket wasn't a total disaster after all...at least I got the winner right.

And a special shout out to my boy The Undertaker, for beating Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania 25 and keeping the undefeated streak alive.


Combine these big wins with my own personal victory (the details of which will remain my own nerdy little secret) and it's been a pretty good 24 hours for yours truly.

PS...Geddy Lee is the coolest man in the universe.


The shirt is great, but wait a minute, is that a Strong Bad hat?!? You, sir, are a king among men.

Baseball Is Back

As of 8 PM Eastern tonight, nothing else matters.

Well, at least until those 10:30 Padres/Giants games in August.

Cutler To Da Bears

Wow.

Denver gets two-first rounders and Kyle Orton from Chicago for Cutlerfucker, which seems like a pretty big haul.

The Bears' only decent receivers are Devin Hester and Rashied Davis, so you'd think they'd wanna upgrade that position now that they have an actual quarterback.

As for the Broncos, Brandon Marshall is not gonna be happy having Orton throw to him instead of Cutler. Maybe he goes ahead and gets suspended on purpose to stay away from this situation.

On top of all this, Cutler came out yesterday and said he didn't want to be traded after all.

Neckbeard! A ton of running backs! A rookie coach who has no clue what he's doing!

*booking the Chargers spot in the playoffs in April*

More Reasons To Be Excited About The 2009 Toronto Blue Jays

- The Jays will have two rookies in their rotation (Scott Richmond and Ricky Romero) for the first time in team history.

- Closer B.J. Ryan has totally lost his velocity and may totally lose his job. Perhaps he has Scott Downs Syndrome? (Shameless fantasy team name plug)

- The one other guy with recent closing experience (Jeremy Accardo) got sent down, so that we could keep Jason Frasor and Shawn Camp.

- The bench includes Kevin Millar and Michael Barrett.

Home opener is on Monday! Tickets are in all likelihood still available!

Bracket = Busted

It's official. My bracket is done.

With Memphis losing the battle of the Tigers to Missouri, I can pretty much make kindling out of it and focus on watching some great basketball down the stretch.

Unless, UNLESS Mizzou beats UConn, in which case all bets are off, I suppose.

The fact that it's Mizzou makes it even worse. As a Texas fan, seeing a normally dirty Big 12 team (especially one from the Big 12 North) advance really stings.

Oh well, at least Duke lost.

Good luck to those of you still in it. If you need me, I'll be making a bonfire.

Happy Birthday! You're A Deadbeat Dad!

And the 2008-2009 Toronto Raptors season hits rock bottom.

Raptor Bosh a deadbeat dad, lawsuit says

Raptors star Bosh says he'll 'take care of responsibilities'

This adds further weight to my belief that superstar athletes and celebrities should never get married.

The story also serves as the worst hangover ever, since it comes on the heels of Bosh's 25th birthday and a mega-party at Maro on Sunday night.

It's safe to say that the days of fun-loving, goofy Chris Bosh are over, and perhaps so are his days as a Raptor. Hard to have a deadbeat franchise player, unless you're the former Seattle Sonics with Shawn Kemp; I'm thinking they were just trying to set some kind of crazy record.