Monday, March 02, 2009

Paging Hank Scorpio

Homer : Aww...the Denver Broncos?!?
Marge : I think owning the Denver Broncos is pretty good.
Homer : Yeah, yeah.
Marge : Well, explain to me why it isn't.
Homer : You just don't understand football, Marge.


When the dictionary people get around to editing the entry of "tumultuous", they're gonna need to put "The Denver Broncos' 2009 offseason" as an alternate definition.

Let's go on a little journey, shall we?

First, they had a complete coaching overhaul for the first time since Gangsta's Paradise was a #1 hit. A bit surprising, but you could argue that it was time for a change.

Then new coach Josh McDaniels started rebuilding one of the worst defensive units in the league, adding Brian Dawkins, Renaldo Hill and Andre' Goodman. So far, so good.

McDaniels also channeled his inner Shanahan by signing a couple of not-so-great running backs in Correll Buckhalter and J.J. Arrington. Given the "revolving door leading to the infirmary room" situation that was the Denver running game in 2008, probably not a bad plan. You gotta believe that the new coach won't treat his tailbacks like James Bond treats women (ie. like things) and that one guy will emerge as the feature back come Week 1.

OK, so we're good, right? Except for one problem. Okay, two problems.

One, you totally pissed off your starting QB.

Apparently McDaniels, being an ex-Patriot (expatriate?), wanted to implement his offensive system, and so he decided to go after his system quarterback, one Matt Cassel.

And so in the most publicly made quarterback news this side of Brett Favre, Denver tried to ship Jay Cutler to Tampa Bay in a three-way deal that would have brought Cassel to the Mile High City. They even thought about trading Cutler to (gasp!) the Detroit Lions (!) for draft picks.

Cutler, being kind of an emo kid, took the news badly. He's not speaking to the team, and you really can't blame him. Dude had a Pro Bowl year while dealing with diabetes, and they want to ditch you for a dude who knows the playbook? That's cold blooded.

The second issue? Oh yeah, your star wide receiver who said he'd never get in trouble in trouble again.

After getting his 2008 suspension reduced from three games to one with the explicit instructions that he turn his life around and stay out of hot water, Brandon Marshall was arrested for disorderly conduct early Sunday morning, after allegedly getting into a tiff with his fiancé. Good times!

The charges were dropped today, but the NFL doesn't need convictions to suspend a player (which sounds a little Guantanamo Bay to me, but whatever) so it's possible that Marshall will miss a significant portion of the 2009 season.

Enjoy your first season as an NFL head coach, Josh! College football awaits!

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