Thursday, January 29, 2009

The Second of Many Depressing Reads About The 2009 Toronto Blue Jays

Here we go again...

Hot Stove Helper: Blue Jays take the winter off (Can fans take the season off?)

We're mostly here to discuss ownable fantasy players who've found new employers, and in the case of the Blue Jays below, well … we'll make something up to write about. (Wow, we're not even into the actual body of the story yet, and that's two negatives..not a good sign.)

Be honest, if we skipped the Toronto HSH, would you have noticed? This could be the shortest Helper in history, friends, let's establish that up front. (Good. Wouldn't want to waste anyone's time.)

There's not a lot of news coming from Blue Jay Way (they're the only AL club that didn't sign a major-league free agent) (Hold on...what? Really? Jesus fuck.)

[Jose Bautista will] probably steal 300 at-bats somewhere along the way, hit 10-12 homers, hit under .250, and never be owned by anyone in your mixed league. (Can't wait!)

Michael Barrett signs a minor-league contract...please forward your fan mail accordingly. (You know what? I like Barrett. Why? Because he's not Gregg Goddamn Zaun.)

The Cardinals weren't impressed with [Matt] Clement's limited work in the minors last year and made no effort to keep him, a telling sign. This might be our last Clement note of the season, so make the most of it. (I don't know. Have you seen our other rotation options? Clement at least has a decent shot to crack the starting five. Plus he's back with pitching coach Brad Arnsberg, and they were good together in Florida 8 years ago, right? Wait, they weren't? Shit.)

Jason Bartlett's name floated around. (It did? Good God.)

I looked high and low for a posted over/under on the Jays and I couldn't find anything yet; I'll be shocked if anyone expects them to win 86 games again.

Order your season tickets now! You'll wanna get priority for postseason tickets!

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