Tuesday, April 13, 2010

NHL Considers Expansion To Africa

OK, not really. But hey, at least we can take solace in the fact that hockey jerseys are keeping people clothed.

Hockey night in Liberia: NHL jerseys everywhere in war-torn nation

"We don't know the game," Joe Peters admits, wiping sweat off his cheek. "But the jerseys are very fine. Very high quality."

Unlike the game, most of the time.

I propose we send more jerseys to these people in need. It would give us a great opportunity to rid ourselves of the offensive and douchebaggy jerseys that plague our sports community, while at the same time doing a great service for people who lack basic clothing.

The main offenders:

1) The "non-traditional name on the back" jersey

You, sir, are an idiot. I don't care what "The Goose" means; you just look like a tool.

2) The "traded player" jersey

So your favourite player was traded. Get over it. In this modern age of sports with huge contracts and free agency and crooked agents, one must be loyal to a team, not a player. So stop wearing that jersey: he's never coming back, because he hates you. Exception: Wayne Gretzky Oilers jerseys.

3) The "non-traditional colours" jersey.

Sweet Christ, that is hideous. This applies to you, ladies: that pink Pens jersey is not cute, it makes you appear even more stupid and slutty than you probably already are.

Please, people, I implore you: do the right thing, and get that fucking monstrosity off your back/out of your closet and help a fellow human being out.

1 comment:

Mike D said...

I take exception to #1, as my fondness for replacing Turkoglu's name on his jersey with 4-letter words associated with him can attest.