Fan Up? More Like Fan Down

Denver just beat New Orleans by 58 points (!) tying an NBA playoff record.

There's a hurricane joke in there somewhere, but I'm too Canadian to come up with one (or to post one, at least).

One word sums up this game (and it's not even really a word): turrible.

The Kansas City Royals Will Be The Death Of The Blue Jays

First 1985, and now this.

Also, I'm on Twitter. You can follow the blog and other non-sports thoughts I occasionally have, which usually center around sandwiches. Anyway.

Tuesday Tuesday Tuesday!

Blue Jays! Rangers! $5 tickets! $1 hot dogs! Halladay on the mound! No alcohol!

...Um, wait, that last one's not a good thing.

Anyway, see you at the game, which will be as dry as Chicago in the 20s (in that everyone was still drunk somehow).

"Swisher, Start Warming Up..."

Bronx Bummer: Indians’ 14-run second dooms Yankees

"The fans started chanting 'We want Swisher!' for the second time in the series..."

"The 'We want Swisher!' chant returned when Hafner hit his fourth homer of the season in the eighth."

Wow. New Yankee Stadium is sure off to a fine start. Must have been that other Red Sox jersey in the foundation.

Oh, Sportsnet, This Is Why You're Terrible

Sportsnet's Roger Millions Says Cock Sucker On Live Television

John Madden's Retirement Speech

"When you've been a head coach in the National Football League for 12 years, a-a-a-and then you've been a broadcaster for 30 years, you put that together and BOOM! Tha-tha-that's over 40 years..."

*using telestrater for no reason*

"And then you see right over here, Brett Favre is thinking bootleg, and then WHAP! Bootleg! He-he-he-he-he's just a great player."

*eating turducken*

"Any time you can run the ball, set up the play action pass, score touchdowns, a-a-a-and then get defensive stops on the other end, y-y-y-you have a great chance to win the game."

*getting in giant bus*

*driving off into the sunset*

The Yankees' Bullpen Is A Disgrace To Major League Baseball

Something pretty stinky will be coming back to the Bronx on Thursday, and it ain't the boat from Garbage Island.

The Yankees' pen has already given up 15 runs this season, highlighted by a 7-spot on Monday night in relief of Chien-Ming Wang en route to a 15-5 thumping at the hands of the American League Champion Rays.

(Wang was worse, surrendering eight runs in 1+ innings, raising his season ERA to a cool 28.93. It's never a good sign when your ERA is higher than your age).

And the one reliever who didn't allow a run? Well. he's their first baseman.

New York threw Nick fuckin' Swisher out there for the 8th, making him the first Yankees position player to pitch since Wade Boggs befuddled hitters with his knuckler back in 1997.

He wasn't terrible, either, allowing a hit and a walk on 22 pitches. And he even struck out a guy (Gabe Kapler, you should be ashamed of yourself).

It's really a travesty when you consider that the Yankees possess perhaps the best closer ever in Mariano Rivera. Outside of Rivera, New York has maybe one legitimate big-league reliever, lefty Damaso Marte, and he wasn't exactly stellar last season either.

Sure, they had a nice little run for a few games at the start there, going nine straight no-hit innings in games number two through four of the season, but I cannot believe that Brian Cashman and the Yankees' brass thought they could get away with having such a putrid pen.

Phil Coke? Jonathan Albaladejo? Makes you pine for Steve Howe, doesn't it?

Perhaps Swisher is the answer. They've been having difficulty getting him in the starting lineup every day anyway; it's killing two birds with one stone!

And look at that form!

I Wish I Could Quit You, Blue Jays

OK, I'll admit it. The Jays are sucking me in.

This was supposed to be the year I wasn't going to be excited about the Blue Jays, the year I was going to refuse to believe they had any chance of being a good team.

This coming from a life-long Jays fan who once had his childhood bedroom covered from ceiling to floor to wall in Jays stuff (border, curtains, bedspread, posters).

But after watching Roy Halladay get out of a jam and the Jays scratch across three (live update, four) early runs against the Indians, I can't hold back any more...

The Toronto Blue Jays are for real!

I know it's only five and a half games into the season, but they've got the best record in the American League and lead the majors in runs with 37 (live update, 41), home runs, hits, doubles, and RBIs.

Future MVP Adam Lind leads the majors in RBIs with 11 (live update, 12) and is on pace for about 350 RBIs.

The starting pitching hasn't been as terrible as expected (we actually lead the league in Ks somehow), and perhaps the biggest surprise of all, they've actually had a couple of clutch/comeback wins already.

I'm sure by the end of the month I'll be singing a different tune, but for now the only song in my head goes a little something like this.

Victory Is Theirs (And Mine!)

The Jays won their home opener easily over the Tigers (complete with drunk unruly fans...can't wait for cheap nights in the upper deck).

Speaking of Detroit teams losing...


UNC captured their 5th national championship in a game that was never close, dashing the hopes of the people of Michigan, who hoped a Spartans win would somehow fix the economy and keep American jobs from going to Mexico or something.

I guess my bracket wasn't a total disaster after all...at least I got the winner right.

And a special shout out to my boy The Undertaker, for beating Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania 25 and keeping the undefeated streak alive.


Combine these big wins with my own personal victory (the details of which will remain my own nerdy little secret) and it's been a pretty good 24 hours for yours truly.

PS...Geddy Lee is the coolest man in the universe.


The shirt is great, but wait a minute, is that a Strong Bad hat?!? You, sir, are a king among men.

Baseball Is Back

As of 8 PM Eastern tonight, nothing else matters.

Well, at least until those 10:30 Padres/Giants games in August.

Cutler To Da Bears

Wow.

Denver gets two-first rounders and Kyle Orton from Chicago for Cutlerfucker, which seems like a pretty big haul.

The Bears' only decent receivers are Devin Hester and Rashied Davis, so you'd think they'd wanna upgrade that position now that they have an actual quarterback.

As for the Broncos, Brandon Marshall is not gonna be happy having Orton throw to him instead of Cutler. Maybe he goes ahead and gets suspended on purpose to stay away from this situation.

On top of all this, Cutler came out yesterday and said he didn't want to be traded after all.

Neckbeard! A ton of running backs! A rookie coach who has no clue what he's doing!

*booking the Chargers spot in the playoffs in April*

More Reasons To Be Excited About The 2009 Toronto Blue Jays

- The Jays will have two rookies in their rotation (Scott Richmond and Ricky Romero) for the first time in team history.

- Closer B.J. Ryan has totally lost his velocity and may totally lose his job. Perhaps he has Scott Downs Syndrome? (Shameless fantasy team name plug)

- The one other guy with recent closing experience (Jeremy Accardo) got sent down, so that we could keep Jason Frasor and Shawn Camp.

- The bench includes Kevin Millar and Michael Barrett.

Home opener is on Monday! Tickets are in all likelihood still available!