Bitches Be Crazy

Apparently that old adage (OK, it's not old really, just something me and my roommate made up) applies even to mega-stars like Tiger Woods.

As you've probably heard by now, Tiger was involved in a minor car accident. He was treated at a local hospital for facial lacerations and released.

What is still up for debate is just how Tiger got said lacerations.

As usual, TMZ was on the story first, and continues to invade my life whether I like it or not (my co-workers LOVE the site):

The argument got heated and, according to our source, she scratched his face up. We're told it was then Woods beat a hasty retreat for his SUV -- but according to our source, Woods says his wife followed behind with a golf club. As Tiger drove away, she struck the vehicle several times with the club.

Wow. I was just in Sweden this summer; didn't realize how loco their women are. I guess I'd be upset too if my meal ticket was crashing itself into a fire hydrant.

Anyway, the alleged affair story broke only a couple days ago, so it's highly unlikely that this is a coincidence, no matter how much the popular sports media tried to spin it as an "accident" or as a slanderous attack on a golden athlete.

Look, it's pretty obvious what happened here: Tiger "got it in the hole" on someone else's putting surface. Guess what? He's a rich and powerful man! Rich and powerful men do shit like this all the time; just cause he plays golf for a living doesn't mean he's not a weaselly weasel.

Sure, he married a Swedish model, and that should be enough. For most people. But not for Tiger, evidently.

This further proves my theory that superstar athletes should never get married. You can have all the Scandinavian bikini girls you want, with none of the eventual backlash when you wanna upgrade to the newest set of clubs, as it were.

The real winners in all this? The PGA. A bonafide scandal involving the most popular player in the history of the sport that has nothing to do with racism or sexism? Amazing! Cheating on your wife? John Daly calls that a Tuesday!