Billy Wagner To Mets' Fans: "Expect Absolutely Nothing From Me"

Sometimes the smallest stories are the most hilarious.

Take for example, the "news" that Billy Wagner could make his return from Tommy John surgery later this season.

Which is nice, until the New York Post asked Wagner what the chances of that actually happening are, and Wags starting making with the excuses, in descending order of bleakness:

- He doesn't think he'll be setting up Francisco Rodriguez this season.

- He insisted he won't be a bullpen cure-all when he returns.

- He doesn't believe he's headed for a major role with the Mets, and will probably be used sporadically.

- He's only thrown to hitters about "eight or nine times" since last September, so even if he comes back, he'll be rusty.

- He admitted he won't be able to help at all if he can't bounce back well from the surgery.

- He's still waiting for the Jax-from-Mortal-Kombat bionic arm implant to come in the mail.

Ok, I made that last one up. I can't blame Wagner, really; who would want to come back and pitch for the trainwreck that is the New York Metropolitans?

As awesome as a Wagner/J.J. Putz/K-Rod bullpen would be, the chances of it ever coming together is a longshot at best, especially when you consider that the Mets are fourth in the NL East with eight teams ahead of them in the Wild-Card race.

Still, I'm looking forward to Wagner's return, if only for the inevitable "See, I Told You Not To Expect Anything!" stories come September, just in time for the Mets' annual collapse.