The Pittsburgh Pirates Will Apparently Make The World Series

...because Eric Hinske is on the team, and Hinske has been to the last two World Series.

This story made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

Can Hinske bring his magic to young Pirates?

By "magic", do you mean his .250 AVG and 15 HR a year?

Check out some of the lines in this Hinske puff piece:

"Hinske has become a human good-luck charm."

"Rays manager Joe Maddon has said Hinske’s calming influence and advice were crucial to [Evan] Longoria’s sudden impact."

"Eric gives us a guy who can talk about what it’s like to play on a winner, what it takes to prepare to be a winner. We can’t depend solely on him, but he can be important to us."

"Good clubs have veterans such as Hinske, who know when is the right time to whisper encouragement in a tough time or get on a teammate for a bone-headed play."

"Hinske was the club’s biggest offseason player acquisition."

This is Eric Fucking Hinske we're talking about here! This is the guy who made the final out of the 2008 Series. This is the guy who has been absolute garbage since his Rookie of the Year campaign with the Jays.

And all of a sudden he's some fucking guru?

Doesn't anyone notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

No wonder the Pirates' franchise is a mess: their talent gauge is busted.