Dadpost: Don't Take Unsolicited Advice - Or Candy - From Strangers

This morning Sarah and I decided to take Hannah up to our building's pool for our first swim together as a family (she has a swim class but it's one parent in the water at a time).

There was an elderly woman already in the pool - she was there when I went up to check the pool's temperature to ensure it was warm enough for Hannah - and she remained in the pool when the three of us got in.

Barely a minute or two had passed when the woman decided to come over to us and share her years of wisdom. After she assured us to "not take offense" - I say "us" but she was looking at Sarah the whole time - she hit us with some knowledge: "Babies sometimes pee in pools."

When Sarah responded that Hannah was wearing a swimming diaper, this woman got way too close for comfort and almost kissed Sarah - whilst holding the baby, no less -  and followed that awkward moment up with another "Don't take offense" comment on her way out of the pool.

This situation left both of us a little stunned: what was the point of that exchange, and why would a complete stranger say something like that to us?

Sarah often encounters random people offering their advice while she's out with Hannah, and I can understand how frustrating it must be. Who knows their baby better than her mommy? Answer: definitely not some batty old lady or some housewife whose kids don't listen to her anymore.

This rarely, if ever, happens to me when I'm out with Hannah by myself; I just get people gushing over how cute she is. I guess it's because I'm the dad and the stereotype is that anything I do should be considered a bonus, but if that's the case, shouldn't I be getting bombarded with hot tips because I "don't know any better"?

It's a weird double standard and like most double standards, they make very little sense and are not based on fact. Both Sarah and I are more than capable of dealing with whatever comes our way baby-wise, and even if we're not always successful, we're confident that we have Hannah's best intentions in mind.

We've been with her every minute of her life. You, complete stranger, on the other hand, haven't even shared a minute of it, and if you're going to offer us totally unsolicited advice, that's the most you're ever going to get.

Dadpost: My New Television Schedule

Before Hannah was born, I was rarely up before 10 AM. Now, by the time 10 rolls around, I'm about four kids TV shows deep into my day before I head off to work.

Between PBS, CBC and TVO (three of the handful of channels I get for free on our HD antenna), we have a LOT of kids' TV options, and Hannah very much enjoys a wide variety of programming.

We're often at the mercy of weather conditions and/or construction on our building in regards to what shows actually come in on any given day, but this is roughly what we're watching. Most of these shows have their shortcomings, which of course only Sarah and I notice, but as long as Hannah is entertained that's the main thing.

The Earworm Factor refers to how much the theme songs/show songs get stuck in my head, 1 being "not at all" and 10 being "want to drill the song out of my skull, trepanning style."

8:00 - Curious George (PBS)

Curious George has always been one of my favourite characters. The first stuffed animal I ever got was a George, and I slept with it probably a lot longer than I should have. The movie was very well done and the show is also quite good. The animation style is modernized but the stories and the mood always bring me back to my childhood.

Earworm Factor (EF): 1 out of 10. None of the songs are similar to the original iconic theme, so they never get stuck in my head. The movie was a bit heavy on the Jack Johnson, but I guess his Dave Matthews-lite style works for something like this.

8:30 - Busytown Mysteries (CBC)

Based off the Richard Scarry series of books, a group of animals go around solving mysteries in BusyTown. This is a fairly recent addition to the rotation, but it's a pretty solid show, with one major flaw: Huckle the Cat ALWAYS solves the mystery, and the rest of the crew just throws out theories that end up being wrong. Also, the pig in the red shirt is kind of a dick, and is even drawn that way, with a frown 95% of the time.

EF: 5 out of 10. The main themes are starting to make their way into my brain; I suspect this number would rise if revisited in a couple weeks' time.

9:00 - SuperWhy (CBC/PBS)

SuperWhy is made by Decode (the company that made Undergrads, which was a pretty solid little cartoon about going to college) and uses fairy tales to help solve problems. It's a good show that is somewhat handicapped by a couple of things:

1) Every show is based around a "super big problem", and what qualifies as "super big" is sometimes a bit of a stretch. Whyatt's wasting water! He hears his baby sister say her first word, but no one believes him! He has nothing to do! Truly problems that rock the foundation of our modern world.
2) Red Riding Hood is USELESS. She's easily the least featured of the four major characters, and with good reason: her "problems" are pretty weak. In one episode this week, her "super big problem" was feeling bad for not sharing any of her bushels of apples. The Super Story Answer was "SHARE", but they should have added, "you selfish brat."

EF: 10 out of 10. By far the earwormiest show we watch, to the point where Sarah is singing it throughout the day. I'll be at work 5 hours later and one of the recurring themes will pop in to my head and refuse to leave, no matter what Rush or Metallica songs I attempt to counteract it with.

9:30 - The Cat in the Hat Knows A Lot About That (CBC) / Dinosaur Train (PBS)

It's no surprise that Dr. Seuss translates well onto the small screen, and Martin Short as the voice of the Cat is perfect. The one thing that bugs me about this show, though, is the kids' mother. She lets them go, go, go, go on an adventure without raising much of a concern as to where they're going or what they're doing. Sometimes they don't even bother showing her saying yes; a voice just comes from the house. That's some kickass parenting there, lady. And the Cat knows he's basically running the show. He teases the kids as to whether or not they should go by adding, "Your mother will not mind at all if you do!" And you know what? He's right: she doesn't give a SHIT.

Cat in the Hat is also on PBS earlier in the day, but thanks to Busytown (and CBC's overall signal reliability) we've started watching it here, so Dinosaur Train often gets bumped altogether, which is a shame. I mean, dinosaurs AND trains! It's a winning combination. That said, the Dinosaur Train A-Z series of episodes is on WAY too often, and that can get repetitive.

EF: 7 out of 10 (Cat In The Hat), 3 out of 10 (Dinosaur Train). The song they play after the Cat takes off with the kids is pretty annoying, but at least it's the only one. Other than the A-Z song getting overplayed, Dinosaur Train's songs are pretty inoffensive. I can't be mad at an Elvis-impersonating dinosaur; he sounds like Johnny Bravo!

10:00 - Sesame Street (PBS)

Unparalleled kids TV awesomeness for 40-plus years. You know the Street is still the place to be by virtue of the absolute garbage that PBS and TVO throw on in their time slot. It's like NFL Sunday: everyone else gets the hell out of the way. Hannah LOVES Elmo, the old-school characters show up enough to keep me happy, and the celebrity guests are great. You can tell they're having fun and consider it an honour to be on the show, and that's because it is.

EF: 4 out of 10. Outside of the Abby's Flying Fairy School theme song, and the fact that all the songs in Elmo's World are set to the tune of Jingle Bells, the rest of the music in Sesame Street is solid.

11:00 - Sid the Science Kid (PBS)

If I'm watching Sid, it means I have the day off, as I usually start work at 11 and have to take off midway through Sesame Street. Sid is a Jim Henson creation, and he's part kid, part scientist and part reporter. It's pretty well done overall, though Sarah's criticisms of it are spot on.

EF:  8 out of 10. A close second to SuperWhy for most annoying songs. They do the same songs every time they leave for school, look for their friends at school, go INTO the school...it's a bit much.

11:30 - WordWorld

WordWorld is a great concept: animals made of words build things using words. Hannah's too young right now to understand it, but when she's older I think she'll really dig it.

EF: 2 out of 10. Not much going on in the way of music; they're all about the words, yo. Word.

I'm not sure what it says about my skills as a father that I've written such a massive post on what I watch with my 5-month old daughter, but anyone who's watched their kid contently and quietly watching knows how invaluable a resource TV can be. Plus a cursory look at the most popular shows for grownups reveals they're not much more intellectually stimulating than any of the programs above, so don't judge me, bro.

Dadpost: Baby Fingernails

I'm starting to think that Hannah might be Wolverine.

Now before you get all Comic Book Guy on me, hear me out: they're both Canadian, they both don't do what you tell them to do, and they both possess incredible sharp claws.

And after Hannah sunk her fingers into my hand for the eleventy billionth time this morning, I think I might call Marvel to get a distribution deal done.


Oh sure, she might look all sweet and innocent, but just like our X-Man friend, those claws could cut through a man like a hot knife through butter.

I clip them every time we give her a bath, but that only serves to make them even more razor sharp. Even filing seems to sharpen them further.

Mohs Scale of Hardness might list fingernails as a 2.5, but that's clearly just a human average, because baby fingernails are somewhere around an 11.

I'm confident that Hannah's nails could scratch diamond, and would scratch adamantium if that actually existed.

If she ever learns to do the Berserker Barrage, we're all doomed.

Dadpost: Baby's Growing and Mommy's Famous

Hannah will be four months old on Monday, and it's amazing how much she's grown up already.

She locks eyes with us in the morning and lights up, smiling wide and often. She loves watching Sesame Street in her rocker, sitting in her high chair while Sarah and I eat, and playing with her various toys and her various entertainment centres. She enjoys going on trips to the library, the mall, and to visit her grandparents.


Of course, it's not all smiles und sunshine. We're pretty sure she's getting her first tooth, so she's been mega-drooly and irritable the last few days, to the point where it's affecting her ability to sleep through the night, something I was definitely getting used to.

Also, as the weather gets hotter, so too does our non air-conditioned apartment. An overheated baby is not a happy baby, so we've been running the fan and cool mist humidifier to keep everyone's body temp down.

But overall, things are going well. I got home from work today and - after washing my subway-ridden hands - swept her up in my arms. The feeling of holding her as she cuddles into my shoulder and neck is indescribably blissful, and the 9 hours or so spent away from her are quickly dismissed and forgotten.

While I'm away, Sarah is at home taking excellent care of Hannah, and when she has the chance has been blogging about her first journey through motherhood.

Today we learned that she's been nominated as one of Toronto Mom Now's 30 Ultimate Mom Bloggers, and is in the running for a contest to determine who's got the best mom blog.

You can vote for YYZ Bambina Blog starting May 29 here.

Way to go babe! Hannah and I are proud of you.

This Week In Terrible Human Beings

I won't write too much on this since it's been done already (and in far better fashion), but I will say a few things:

1) That couple is the WORST.
2) Shout out to Michael Kay for hammering the couple on air for a good inning or so.
3) If that was me at the ballpark with Hannah, I'd be giving that dude the business. No one's punking my kid like that for some attention-hungry cougar.
4) This will be all over Plays of the Week tonight (especially since I'm producing it).
5) Seriously, THE WORST.

Philip Humber Wins At Life, Deserves A Week Off

So how do you follow up a miracle pitching performance? With the miracle of life, of course.

Philip Humber - owner of baseball's 21st perfect game -  is now heading home to be with his wife as they prepare for the birth of their first child.

Humber's still expected to make his scheduled start on Thursday, but, if I may: FUCK. THAT.

His baseball career will never be at a higher trajectory; it's only downhill from perfection. And four days after reaching that high, he's about to reach another: welcoming the next generation of his family.

So if I were Humber, I'd be telling Robin Ventura he can go find some other jabroni on Charlotte or Birmingham to make a spot start, because I'm taking a week off to, you know, be with my wife and new baby, and ALSO I RETIRED 27 STRAIGHT BATTERS MY LAST TIME OUT SO GO FUCK YOURSELF.

Ahem. Congrats to the Humbers on the new addition to the fam.